I’m restarting Quite Time after a long break. While I feel a holy burden about the book my sister-in-law bought and sent me, it’s also a resolution to rebuild the habit. Ephesians 2:8-9, a verse I memorized during my first new believer’s training at Cornerstone Church in LA, feels like winning the lottery the more I meditate on it. Though I didn’t win the third lottery for Songdo Hill Lake yesterday, the fact that my family and I live in Songdo and enjoy this abundant life is God’s grace and gift. Since faith itself is not something earned by my own will but a given gift, life itself is like winning the lottery.

There was a time when I felt life was a failure, sinking into deep despair and retreating into a cave, never to emerge. Thinking I was cursed, not blessed by God, everything became hateful and joy vanished. Losing all purpose and energy in life, I resented God, and worse, I hated myself, wanting to deny everything. When I read the Bible, I only saw condemnation and judgment for sinners. Living according to the desires of the flesh, as Ephesians 2:3 says, and doing whatever my flesh and heart wanted, I thought I was receiving God’s discipline. But realizing that God’s discipline was the ‘rod of love’ and going through that process, I now seem to understand the resurrected Jesus and God’s grace.

Rising at dawn and striving diligently like a bird that busily catches and eats insects, I’ve begun meeting other diligent people who wake with the dawn. I’ve also restarted connecting with believers worldwide, gradually quitreactivating the driving force of my life. The difference now is that my focus is no longer on myself, but on God, the giver of the gift of salvation. Living on the 69th floor of Songdo IPark Phase 2, I dream of swimming at my Palos Verdes home in California during summer break and camping at my Mendocino cottage during winter break. With this vision, I start each day with vigor!

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)